| in the tip top hour of the night |
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| 06:32pm 22/01/2008 |
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he brought grapes and drew a bath
awaiting my return home that evening
the labor of love stretched beyond washing
the three-day old dishes
his eyes turn me inside out
i'll find a way to tell him
my heart is his only
and i am no longer looking |
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[2 crushes | eat your heart out | |
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| the dew of morning presents the best of you |
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| 03:45am 04/12/2007 |
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half dead in his sleep...walks along the road where minds meets...coffee breaks while tagging the remains of half- living...invisible yet heavy weights on eyelids of the plenty...not whole but breathing, pungent yet divine a smell of death becomes the spoils of a zombie-breeding nation-wide...the souls of the damned are forever here wandering, sucking 'awakened' life from the nippled contortion...their claws dig into my guts and drown the light in me with their twightlight holes of nothing...i witness his lifeless mouth eat the mangled limbs of his own feet and i am his
*hope you are a good little whore* BAH! |
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[1 crush | eat your heart out | |
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| Sacred Crimson |
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| 03:23am 04/12/2007 |
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You’re the fountain from which my sacred pours
You provide the means of discovering
How happy this pebbled mountain be
How happy be beckoning
As I sunkiss its welcoming torch
CHORUS
Pondering a life of weary
Beauty made from tangled hearts
Pondering a life of weary
Love is the only spark
Light the torch of liquid beauty
Flowing from the fountain yours
You provide discovery to those who need it more
CHORUS
Pondering communal worthy
Together we can let it be
Moments come as moments pass
Momentarily
Once we master life
Cuts short
Memories kept as life’s support
CHORUS
Pondering a life of weary
We can make love last
Moments come as moments pass
if only
momentarily |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| the count down begins |
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| 07:55pm 23/10/2007 |
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65 more days until EUROPE TRIP!
i think i'm gunna throwup when there is less than a week left! i am over the top, over the top.
I turned my myspace page into a music lounge, incase i haven't mentioned. So now i'm back on this thing here to rant and rave about nothing.
The group is flying out of Syracuse so i'll talk to Jeff and figure out how to do this...
So i'll keep myself posted and figure out what when and where. |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| man i've got it bad |
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| 10:51pm 17/10/2007 |
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music: jack johnson atchya
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it's pathetic. i write love songs and poems to the SUN and MOON instead of a lover. it's sad. what kind of poet am i? i have no heart beat to compliment my own. i have no warm kiss to sooth my tender soul. or feet to keep my own toes warm...i am no true poet.
"This shit is going down...desperately i need a sound"
~Jack Johnson |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| man troubles |
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| 03:38pm 28/09/2007 |
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i don't know what to do.
this feeling is not made up i know it, but i hate being played
i think he's just seriously confronted with an issue he had and has still
maybe he really is completely in love with her and he wants to be with her
forever...marriage and all
however, i still get this gut feeling.
i saw John and Erin today and they are sooooo cute! i love those kind of boys you know the ones that you are fascinated with but would not have a relationship with bc they just are clearly not interested in those things.
but they are great listeners and funny and so approachable. <3
and what was up with Charlie??? he was in a bad fucking mood.
all i wanted was to get my bowl back, so i asked him if he wanted to smoke...
it's not even my bowl, so i'll catch him next week. i'll call him and let him know i need it back. |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| Dear Diary |
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| 04:22am 15/05/2007 |
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Today at the park: --after school hours--
Mamma last week of school!!! ah finals week is bitter sweet.
Really good energy here at Pulaski's playground. Pleasant place with nice warm people. I could do this. I could see myself just doing this. Yeah, it's not too crowded today. Maybe 3 families and a few groups of tweens/teens. We like it here. Craigie's here playing with Osha. It's rounding on 7pm or it's past it already. DinDin time [not something i normally say] and it's a sunny day.
RP told me he broke up with gf. I'm not sure why -x-
I had a dream about us kissing. It was quite real and passionate.
Soft, but controlled and sweet like honey to my soul...sweet we rock
nice and slow. Well we will see.
hey an old poem i found in my books:
concentrating on feelings...funfilled? over exaggerated!
fluster of emotions
need time to let things go...i'll call you back when i'm on the road.
Holding onto womanhood never felt as shallow
there just ain't no reason to own it anymore
Morbid thoughts defy pretty pieces of me
i have to keep eating my memory to remember everything
Passify
Axel rotation of the hips and thigh
Journey into cerebrium forn-ication--porn-ication
mid 20's no celebration
the Big 25's causes mind/eye/hand de-coordination
disolve into solitude
you know who you know who
Needs to bum a cig from her favorite kid
why do i always end up smoking again?
this health of mine has become stale
Stalemate!
and this Date where in, it's growing wife's tales.
GREAT! |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| Oc3ana deserves a better picture on LJ |
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| 02:04pm 16/04/2007 |
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Someone is really getting on my nerves! AHHHHHHHHH. anyhow, things will be better soon. I'll keep on rollin' and he'll roll in another direction.
I've been listening to music music music. i love music music music. Osha went to Colorado with my mum this time and is there until Apr24th.
School is almost over. I have a lot of work so i'm going to do some of it right now. Over the summer i'm totally vegging out and staying up late to float in the cyber world. i miss LJ and i miss my woman, Jeni. I'll see her again Friday but i miss the bond we had a few years ago. Sometime i just wish i had a partner. Someone that wouldn't be up my asshole and at the same time, someone who really cared. We could have alone time once a week and we could write back and forth until i got my degrees and had established myself all on my own b4 thinking of moving in with one another.
I plan on reading a bunch this summer. fun books not school books. i miss summer!! where is summer? Doesn't the Sun miss me? I'll sing more, i promise. I'll sing about Sun all the time. I'll try to make it rhyme, but i couldn't promise that. Meet me this weekend. send your kisses off in the wind and i'll return my graces with a song. catch my beating heart and i'll catch yours. barefooted, breezy buttercups, a sun hat and a smile...we'll embrace this time together; my love wont ever run out...it goes for miles and miles and miles. |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| crucial time to get new pics onto LJ |
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| 04:17am 06/01/2007 |
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I've been kind of brave lately. I talked to Joy, my boss, for quite some time today and a few weeks ago. I'm just confused by the way some of the business is handled in my gym. I am glad I got most of it out.
I am going to Colorado with Oceana to visit family and we are sooooo excited!!! Urs always comes out to see me and this is not fair.
FULL TIME NEXT SEMESTER!!!!!!!!
CONCENTRATE AND ENJOY EVERY MINUTE.
FOCUS AND BRAVE THROUGH EVERY HEADACHE.
LAUGH AT YOURSELF AND EXERCISE WHENEVER YOU ARE ABLE--TO PREVENT YOU FROM PULLING OUT YOUR OWN HAIR!
k<3 and Broccoli |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| always working * always working it |
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| 04:28pm 16/10/2006 |
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[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font:>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <font: bold> CHECK IT OUT:
http://powayusd.sdcoe.k12.ca.us/pusdwvhs/colorguard/default.htm
i'm feeling pretty good. I have alot on my plate but i like it this way.
Oceana is so independent in a healthy way. She hates when i leave her and
it kills me. I have to go - i have to.
She'll understand when she's a bit older. We'll do everything together.
Like we do now when she is allowed to come with me. Which is why i help
with WG [winterguard], b/c she can be with me and she is learning what i teach
and she is becoming interested in other things.
It's great!!!!
<3 <font size 16> <3 <3 |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| donations donations |
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| 01:51pm 15/10/2006 |
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can you help me???
I've been working my buns off soliciting businesses
to support my guard.
we get no money honey and this is the only way.
i am also going up to the school board and finding out
if our school activity it lotted an amount of funds.
we'll see and i'll be updating as i go along.
The babe is better then ever. My cousin is in town
and he is sooooo sweet. What a cutie Q T PIE
I'D LIKE TO MAKE A SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND CRAIG:
THANKS DUDE -- YOU'RE THE MAN
AND I'D LIKE TO SAY A SPECIAL HEY-O TO >>>>>RHYS<<<<<
IF I CAN WORK UP THE FUNDS TO VISIT SOME TIME IN JAN. 2007
IT'D BE AWESOME. NEVER BEEN TO ARIZONA!!!!!! |
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[1 crush | eat your heart out | |
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| the temp. has dropped and my bones ache |
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| 02:33pm 24/08/2006 |
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ALREADY! darn it. it's crazy but this is New York's weather. Aug temps are strange. It'll be beautiful and warm and then shivering cold and then luke warm and then hair bleaching hot!!!
JUST GIMME SOME HOT SAUCE AND I'LL BE ALRIGHT. ~prolly a quote from Mr. Victor P, if and only if, he would have created a quote about his life. GOD BLESS THE CHILDREN and i hope his family agrees to send him to Esther's.
got no poem today, but i have a lot to be thankful of. i witness a bad accident waiting to happen, but thankfully nothing did, just a couple people shaken up real good. i love my daughter more than myself and i just want her to understand that people, including her mother, will make mistakes. Life is too precious to dwell on the things we cant change. Acceptance and graditude. I have to work on this.
I am becoming so bitter about going to court, and the father denying paternity. It makes me sick. but when the time comes and his name is put on her BCert. i have to stay calm and relaxed. i need to remember that i am loved and i have done nothing wrong. I am going to be rewarded for this good behavior and by accepting this challenge, i will get my way.
I am not being manipulative in any way. I know what should happen and what the right thing is, but i need my guardian angel to keep his eye on me, because i think the court will have to be convinced of the BONER DONOR's mental problems. plain and simple. boner donor needs help, more than a baby needs help. they should heavily consider daily treatment with drugs and maybe even shock therapy. at least something that will start to teach him how to organize simple every day situations.
OK --- ENOUGH about the boner donor!!!!!
my career is taking off. i had alittle run-in with some people at the OHF GYM b/c it seems that I am the only flexible worker and that means i have to keep my days as is and fill in for anyone else that needs time off. GREAT FUN. Well, i'll be turning then down unless i
1] have nothing better to do
2] need the money
3] they pick up some hours i want off!!!
i have to stand my ground and be firm. this gental heart is meant for the ones that are close to it. i dont need to share it with every body. in fact i am going to be more choosey and make sure the bad people stay out of my life!!!!
I HAVE A CHILD TO PROTECT
my myspace profile has a new background. i like it. i used my äs green as her eyes" picture. i've been taking picture with my digi and then it broke. so i have to decide whether to fix it or buy a new one. i have to send in my SUPER SAMPLER to Japan for a parts replacement.
i am excited that school is starting even tho it feels like i had no summer.
with running around, court, driving, work and keeping in touch with my friends.
WG is at a stand still for now. i need to write up the grant forms so i can get it moving again. too much and too little not enough happy medium.
SAD TO SAY BUT Craig and i duked it out alittle. he was becoming an idiotic boyfriend. and we aren't dating or anything. i think he fears losing us -- meaning Oceana and I. anyhow, if we were truly friends, then he wouldn't lose us. i told him how much the hanging out would change b/c of classes and that's when he changed. anyhow you cant stay young forever!
xoxoxokate |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| sitting at work rotting away |
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| 01:35pm 15/08/2006 |
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alright already--GO EAT!! sheeit. It's past lunch time and i eat early this morning.
the kid and i got up early and played outside a bit then we showered. i want to know when i am going to be noticed by hollywood, COME ON NOW.
NAHHH... just playing.
anyhow i've been creative lately, well i try to be all the time, but it's draining. WG is on the move! and i am going to write the whole show!!!!!!!!!!!1 yah
Craig and I go to Walmart and make hevic. he carts me around in the wheelchair and we race eachother in the people-less halls.
Oceana is 15months now and shes not talking yet. School starts in like 10days. I start the gym job on the 22nd.
Panera Breads is booming!!!! my fav hangout on Fridays now. I am grateful for Antony.
I am all set for school. I need to finish organizing my paperwork. I am putting all my expenses on excel. Oceana is in her own room and she likes it. She is such a big person. I mean she's so much bigger then me. I hope i can give her the support she needs. this is all i wanted and this is all i can do for my children.
ANYWAY----THINGS ARE GOOD!! I AM HAPPY.
**NOTE TO SELF** stay happy, grl!
~signing off,
kate be late iN DePP set off the Kat Siren see you in HEAVEN |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| thought on gorwing up |
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| 02:45pm 08/08/2006 |
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I could lie and try to hide and see if it makes a difference
See if things change
I so badly need to wake up and embrace this new person I am becoming
Maybe she will search deep inside and reminisce past lives
Restore ancient childhoods
Resurrect lively ideals
She’s drowning in worries and uncertainty
Rescue her from fear
Welcome womanhood confident
These lies have seeped into the blemish of what’s left and enrich the pain
Scratch down disfigured walls; peel back everything
Deliberately deliver me; make me surrender to you, me
Find the truth
Awaken |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| surrendering to sound |
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| 01:14pm 22/07/2006 |
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life is a mystery
i've been GOOD.
doing lots of things. here and there.
driving is a BITCH WITH A RIDGED KNIFE!
I LOVE THE SOLO LIFE. i meet soooo many more people this way.
but nothing is for nothing and nothing is for free.
so, my man Patrick told me to call him anytime i need a ride home or call if something is bout to go down. i dont need to get myself into those type of SITUATIONS, but i do and i have to fight my way out.
I GOT THE GYM JOB. 2ND GYM JOB. set for next semester. paying off the better car. fixing up my new room. clean slate wipe away years of dust and praying for that trusting hand.
xoxoxo |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| she's 13months and about to tell me OFF! |
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| 04:12pm 10/07/2006 |
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HA hah hahaaa ....... Ochee said mama [[FOR REAL]] the other day...like 3 days ago. This is what happened: she came running up to me shouting mama mama, like she wanted me to pick her up. It was priceless. I think my mum [[BOBCI]] got a kick out of it more than me!
What a kid. I mean it. She'll be talking by the end of Aug. I've been right all along. Potty Trained? Potty Training is more difficult. I could say it sucks, but i've got a handle on it now and she's not completely ready yet.
Prolly by Oct. or even next year, honestly...I just gotta keep it interesting. I dont wanna push her. At least she sits on the potty :)!!!
MEETING PEOPLE IS TOO EASY! Sometimes I wish i was shy and quiet and didn't talk to anyone, b/c people hurt other people. I wonder if I hurt Bryan??? We are very different people from different ages and my heart could fly away with him, but i know better. Things aren't complimentary. All i could do is tell my stories and hope that he didn't hate me afterward. I AM AN EXPERIENCED WOMAN! and i mean this in all kinds of ways. BUT I LOVE AND I HAVE INNOCENCE LEFT THAT I AM KEEPING FOR BIGGER THINGS TO HAPPEN, LIKE LIFE AND DEATH.
I met a Juan. I think that is his name. I can show him a thing or two and then whatever! Just a guy to hang out with for awhile. I am not ready for this big committment stuff. I have too many things to do still. Juan's from Puerto Rico...and he'll teach me some more spanish.
Should he meet Ochee? Maybe just once...to see her and that's all. I GOTTA KEEP HER SAFE. AND SHE'S ALMOST AT THE AGE THAT SHE'LL REMEMBER THESE PEOPLE. AHHHH. i knew my dating career would come to a dead end...temporarily...I LOVE MY BABY!!!!
well i sent off the "package" -- i hope he just doesn't throw it out, cause i'm trying to stay true to myself, and i told him this is what i'd do...so there i go falling...not sure if someone is there to catch me, but I AM O.K. "we fall to pick ourselves up again." This numbing experience is not fully numbing and i will learn from this.
Just like with Juan, already, I am certain THAT HE DOES HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BACK HOME!!! i am not a dumbie. I may be a little slow, but I'm alright when everything isn't.
l8tr g8tr |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| i should elaborate more |
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| 08:41am 05/07/2006 |
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Growing up I was hand fed privileges and I am extremely grateful for this. Religion was never among these gifts. Some could say how unlucky I am b/c of this. But wait a minute now, I was lucky to learn the power of love without religion. My mother did her best, despite the interference of my father [the head of the family], to teach her three girls the love of family and the respect that every person, thing and creature should have b/c we are sharing this world with them. Point blank, does there need to be another reason? Are we that selfish that we cant handle or accept that the sun does not revolved around us?
The more I am exposed to Christianity or organized religions that forced feed their ideals down your throat, I am completely appalled and turn away.
As a young and innocent girl, I cherished and loved all things and most people. I know I was sexually abused but I could forgive without questioning. This may be b/c the trama was not as deep as it could have been. My brain won’t let me remember everything and I can’t say I have fully recovered, but I have moved on.
In my pre-high school years, I was known as “Captain Planet” but at heart was extremely disturbed by the way people treated their family and earth. I was losing innocence, if you will. My connection and respect with Mother Nature definitely was owed to my mother.
Because of my openness to love and share, I started searching for others like myself. I went online and search other religions that I could deeply connect with. I had no deep connection with Christianity, although, I thought about becoming a nun and serving others…this would have been the right thing to do, but I would have been untrue to my true being-purpose.
While searching I found Paganism and Wicca and Kundalini and Tantrik Yoga. I’ve dabbled with a few of each religion’s concepts. Nothing has made me more aware of myself and the different people/worlds around me as much as YOGA has. I meditate and I am one with my creator. I mediate and clarity and peace are within me. I practice and I become a better person, and to me, this is what organized religion lacks. I’ve seen it happen, but more than too much have I seen religious groups force feed their beliefs and pound into people the results of not believing.
I am still on this journey to find the beliefs I can incorporate into my life. The key for me is to respect space and living creatures, and allow for healing, love, laughter and learning. Time is abstract, but we all are given a time limit.
NOTE TO SELF AND READER: Care for what you are given. |
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[eat your heart out | |
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| hold the phone |
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| 11:07pm 03/07/2006 |
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music: THE KAT'S SIREN HAS GONE OFF
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you know, i've been trying to upload photos from my digi for two weeks now.
it's insane and i need a computer savvy boy-on-theside deal.
ilove partying with my old friends but i cant. i love them and miss them but all i can
do is go dancing and drink every oncein a great great while. teehehehe
that'll age you tons. i cnat' keep up wit dat. i've never been able to.
i remember my time at Caz.Coll. i cant drink RUM till this day.
>>:PPdd:if you ever want to hear that story and you see my on the street; ask me:ddPP:<
SO ITCHY FROM THAT BOMFIRE!!!! ...couldn't feel a thing at the time...just felt too good to even care about the bugs suckin at me like a feast of nector.
i am thinking about rearranging my house. if i have to stay in this place; i minus well "redo" to it. I need to have space, the baby needs space and i MUM needs her own.
***I WONDER WHAT ALL THIS THINKING WILL BRING? ENLIGHTENMENT? CLARITY, CHOICES AND PEACE WITH THE FREEDOM TO REBEL MY OWN THOUGHTS FROM TIME TO TIME.
...i told craig about my "spell" and he flippde, in a good way. it's sooooo stupid now he thinks we are really tight. why would i be afraid to tell anyone this...i know it sounds a little out there, but i have had a taste of almost everything. and ***DING DING DING*** i really REALLY like meditating. ****
time to buy some new music. or listen to some of your friends taste.
see ya when i see ya |
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[eat your heart out | |
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sk8dsky's journal
